You will “forget” most of the pandemic. Signed, the New York Times.
I don’t know about all of you, but the last two years have been some of the most demanding, challenging, devastating, divisive years of my life. When I saw this photo in the New York Times, it made me angry. Forget? How could ANYONE FORGET?
Where were you on March 13th, 2020? I remember that day like it was burned into my brain. My husband and stepson both came home with their computers because school and work said we may not be back for a few weeks. A few weeks turned into months of virtual school and my husband still works from home. My house went on the market that day. I was worried if people felt safe to come in my house. That day, I was also sick. I had an ICU nurse patient in my office a few days earlier that was sick with what she thought was a cold, and I woke up on the 12th not feeling good. Felt like a cold. But different. My husband got sick 2 days later. We both slogged through a miserable week of what we thought was a horrible head cold. Until 2 weeks later when I was reading an article written by a journalist covering covid in Seattle. Who caught covid. And her symptoms were identical to what I just had. I instantly felt a pang of fear: did I just have covid? I didn’t have a high fever or cough! My husband had shortness of breath, but I did not. Did I bring covid home to him? We wouldn’t know for a few more weeks when the first antibody tests came out. That yes. We had indeed had covid. Forget? Never.
What about the 12 patients that I sent to alcohol detox in April-May 2020? Because what started as a fun lockdown game on facebook, the “beer chug challenge”, turned into a falling off the wagon for people. Forget? Never. What about the patients I have that take Suboxone to keep them sober from opiate abuse? We were on lockdown! We were not supposed to leave our houses! While my office was open every single day during the pandemic, people were afraid to come IN! The look of fear they had when they came in, there are not words to describe. Forget? Never.
What about the patients I have that cannot afford their medications, so I give them samples for free? What happens when the pharmaceutical companies shut down their field reps and the samples dry up? What do I do with this patient who’s depression has come back with a vengeance and they are at the lowest of low mood because they ran out of samples and cannot afford a $1200 dollar a month med and I cannot get samples no matter HOW MANY TIMES I CALLED AND BEGGED MY REP TO SEND ANYTHING THEY COULD. Forget? Never.
What about the moms that tried to balance working and teaching their kids? Who had no clue what to do. The many moms who left their careers to homeschool their kids. Paused their livelihood and lets be honest, stunted their progression up the career ladder. The kids who did not know how to do online school? The zero accountability my stepson had that semester, so much so he didn’t even take one of his finals until 2 weeks later than he should, bombed the final, and missed out on college credit for that class? What about the people who could NOT stay home and had to go to work everyday? The highways were empty. It felt like driving to work during an episode of the Walking Dead. Keeping my state license in a lanyard on my neck in case I got pulled over to show that yes, I am an essential worker, and I am not in violation of lockdown. Forget? Never.
What about the kids who became so scared grandma was going to die? The virus was going to fly in the car window and kill their mom? What about the patients who lost their job? Their insurance? What about the friends who had to close their small business they had invested EVERYTHING in, and they were not able to bounce back and had to close? They were no less essential than I am! What about the hundreds of times I said “oh I am sure by next semester we will be back to normal” to only eat my words 6 weeks later? Forget? Never.
What about my patient who lost both their parents to covid on the same day? What about my colleague who won’t be in the same room as anyone else for fear of catching covid? What about the day I came into work and another colleague DEMANDED I be covid vaccinated and got very angry with me when I stood my ground? What about being told “its just a J&J one shot, just go do it and suck it up like everyone else”? What about people telling me that if I am not vaccinated I cannot hang out with them? What about patients yelling at other patients in the lobby because one of them sneezed and that must mean they have covid? What about the colleague who almost missed the birth of their child because of the covid the number of people allowed in the room during the birth was small? What about the families who did not get to say goodbye to a loved one because they had covid, nevermind the fact they all lived in the same home and had been with them for many days prior to their hospital admission for covid? Forget? Never.
What about the increase in pediatric depression and anxiety? What about the failing grades kids have now? What about the TWO YEARS of lost academic progress? What about the little kid that kept picking at his mask and when I told him he could take it off his poor face was red and raw from a sensitivity to his mask? What about the trauma victim who has a panic attack in a mask because they were smothered? What about the IV heroin user who cannot stand needles because it triggers them to use again so therefore won’t get a vaccine for anything, much less even get their labs drawn? Those that were cussed at and yelled at for not being masked and vaccinated? The friends who cried getting a covid vaccine because they could not afford to leave their job and it was now mandated to be vaccinated? What about the friends who decided to risk everything and get a religious exemption to work without the vaccine? What about the discrimination and segregation that happens when the vaccinated treat the unvaccinated differently? What about the healthcare providers that fired patients for not having a vaccine? Forget? NEVER.
What about my patient who lost their spouse suddenly, and is so angry that no treatment was given for their covid due to their vaccine status? What about my vaccinated colleague that died from covid? What about all their patients who were left to find a new provider and grieve the loss of their physician? Forget? Never.
There are a thousand other things I could write here. Forget? Who are they kidding. NOBODY is going to forget what the last 2 years have been. Because we will never be the same. I laugh when people say “normal” again. There is no normal. We can never go back to January 2020 again. We have come way too far in this pandemic to just click our heels 3 times and go back to the old normal. The last normal day I remember is Super Bowl 2020, when the Chiefs brought the trophy home. That is the last time I gathered with people without a care in the world. That was before the fear narrative took over and we all lost control of what we considered normal. To insinuate that we would EVER forget what this two years has been is absolutely ridiculous. This will be in the history books for our grandchildren and great grandchildren to read about someday. This is not forgettable.